Gratitude

It's been an interesting week for me. I had a huge breakthru concerning getting stuck in my Dark Night and I've started making changes that I've needed to make for awhile.

I had my second hospice visit today and my head is a wee bit scrambled. One of my patients is a 97 year old woman and even though I've only seen her twice, I love her dearly. This caught me by surprise. I knew I would care and I knew I would have compassion but I didn't plan on loving this sweet soul - not so tenderly.
Today, when I came to visit her, she was still eating her lunch and I was glad to see that she had such a hearty appetite. When she was done, she tried wiping her hands on a tissue, but her hands were sticky and the tissue tore so I got her a warm wash cloth to wipe her hands with. And she was extremely grateful. Which puzzled me and touched me at the same time.

As I drove home, I thought about this. There are many different worlds in this world and a nursing home is a world unto itself. Most of all the people I see there are gentle souls and they are grateful. And I think its because when we are young, we are independent. We own our own home, we have our own job, we can bathe and dress ourselves. But these people, can do none of these things and they totally understand that we are dependent on each other and they are grateful for those that help them. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a restaurant and heard an angry customer say, "Oh she's so slow, I could have done it faster myself." And what about the day when you cannot?

This experience has given me a new understanding of gratitude. I was always grateful for the unexpected...but now, I think I'm going to pay closer attention to all the things I "expect" and am not as grateful as I should be. I am grateful that I am healthy, that I can see, hear, feel and walk. I am grateful that I can still bathe in private and dress myself.

Gratitude is a funny thing. When I humble myself and realize how much I have to be grateful for, I feel very fortunate. But when pride creeps in and gratitude flies out the window..........its amazing how miserable I feel.
gently,laura